Issue #8: Death to Perfection
When people ask me to list the most impactful books I have read, Paul Kalanithi’s When Breath Becomes Air always makes the list. Written by a brilliant doctor who learnt that...
When people ask me to list the most impactful books I have read, Paul Kalanithi’s When Breath Becomes Air always makes the list. Written by a brilliant doctor who learnt that he had lung cancer and had very little time left to live, the book followed his journey from diagnosis to death. It felt like the book slapped me right across the face and demanded that I start living life more deliberately and not be concerned with perfection. The following quote from the book stayed with me:
You can never reach perfection, but you can believe in an asymptote towards which you are ceaselessly striving.
That quote is pinned on my Twitter profile, and I occasionally reference it in discussions with friends, but it is one thing to pin and reference a quote, and it is another thing to internalise and act on its message. I have done the former very well and the latter not so much, and it took the death of someone close to me to realise that.
Death, especially of our loved ones, is shocking and painful, and that pain jolts us out of our reverie. It reminds us that our time here is limited and that we need to use our time judiciously, and that was what the death of my dear friend did to me. Since Tayo passed away in November, I have reflected long and hard on how I live my life, and it dawned on me that I was chasing the mirage that is perfection in certain areas of my life. I like the idea of creating things - songs, articles, anything - but I was obsessed with the idea of making them perfect. I would start creating something, hate it after a while, tear everything down, and start all over. It happened time and time again. My quest for perfection precluded me from sharing my creations with the world.
Tayo used to say he was amazed by me and that I would go on to do great things because I have a brilliant mind, but what good is a brilliant mind if the world doesn’t get to see what it can craft? What good is a brilliant mind if its creations are never set free? Nothing! The world only cares about the person in the arena, the person who dares to put their work out there and opens it up to commentary and criticism.
I had to confront the truth about my quest for perfection. I realise that I was using perfection as an excuse to avoid possible criticism and unfavourable feedback for the skills I wasn’t yet comfortable with. My writing is a prime example. I am self-conscious about my writing skills and think I still have a lot to learn, but instead of writing and putting out articles and letting the world read and give feedback and then iterating based on the feedback, I told myself that I had to keep practising and that I’d publish my articles when my writing skills got better. Hogwash! I now know I was lying to myself. I was simply a timorous person who used the quest for perfection as a smokescreen. It wasn’t easy to admit, but I now know I need to put myself out there more if I ever want to reach the potential everyone seems to see in me.
It is the reason I started this newsletter. I have decided to write and just publish. I still cringe when I proofread my articles, my heart still races before I click on the publish button, but I know I am on the right path. I know I am getting better. This is my eighth article of the year, and I am chuffed that I have maintained a weekly cadence. And thank you for being part of this journey with me. Thank you for reading and engaging with my content. You keep me accountable.
And if you are like me, if you have been chasing the mirage of perfection, I hope you soon get to the point where you realise that it is a futile pursuit. I hope you get the strength to put yourself and your work out there. Who knows how much time we have left here. Death is tragic, but it would be a greater tragedy if all our thoughts and ideas died with us.