Issue #14: There Is No Shame In That

This will be a relatively short article, but don’t let its brevity make you believe it was easy to write. I think it will be the most challenging article I’ll ever write. How do you write about an experience that is so unusual and so strange? You don’t yet fully understand it, and you may never even come to a complete understanding.

Over the last two weeks, I have been beset with anxiety and panic attacks. I was totally caught unawares and was shocked when it first happened. My chest felt tight as if air was exiting my lungs through a valve, my breathing became laboured, and my heart raced. I am usually a chirpy guy with few worries. Until the attacks started, I believed I had almost everything in my life under control, and the things I couldn’t control, I thought I could live with them. I was a calm water with few ripples. But if the last two weeks have taught me anything, it is that relative calmness at the surface doesn’t mean parts aren’t constantly moving and brushing against each other underneath, causing tension to build up, waiting to burst to the surface. And when that vicious process is triggered, it manifests, I have learned, in my case, in anxiety and panic attacks.

I didn’t want to write about this, but I thought, why not? If I broke my femur or had challenges with my physical health, I am sure I wouldn’t hesitate to talk about it. I understand my initial reluctance, though. I think we are, as a society, still struggle to talk about mental health challenges. People don’t take it as seriously as physical health challenges because the symptoms aren’t as apparent. Also, on a personal level, admitting to having mental health issues when I have always seen myself as a strong and lively guy is just tricky. Imagine having to deal with that incongruity. Anyway, I am getting better, and I am getting help. What I have been telling myself now is that I may be strong, but it is perfectly okay to struggle sometimes. There is no shame in that.

I couldn’t publish on Sunday as I have mostly done for the past thirteen weeks because of the attacks, so that is why this article came two days late. Thank you to everyone that messaged and asked if I was okay. I wrote this for you 💙