Issue #13: "You don't even got nobody bein' honest with you"

Last week was mentally challenging for me, so I went on a lot of walks. Apart from the health benefits derived from taking long walks, they force me into a contemplative headspace. My mind settles on my accumulated unprocessed feelings and tangled thoughts, and more often than not, I return home tired but with a refreshed mind and disentangled thoughts.

On one of my walks in the past week, I was listening, somewhat absentmindedly, to Frank Ocean’s Blonde album when two lines from one of the songs, Nights, caught my attention:

Although you got beaucoup family You don’t even got nobody bein’ honest with you

Now I have listened to that album and those lines countless times in the past but never paid particular attention to them, but it was different that time. I suppose I became acutely aware of those lines because, a few days before, I had a discussion with my brother about the source of my emotional turmoil. It was a difficult conversation to have, one that required honesty and transparency, and my brother, as he always does, told me the truth. In that moment, I reflected on how grateful I am to have people like him in my life that I can count on to tell me the truth, no matter how difficult it is for me to hear. So when I heard those lines in the song, I started thinking about how one’s life would be when one is only surrounded by yes-men and no truth-tellers.

I have seen it with many people, especially successful ones. Their egos become inflated, they act and speak with impunity, burning bridges and ruining relationships with people they meet along their life’s journey. I always wonder whether those people don’t have people in their lives who tell them the truth, people who call them out and ask them to clean up their mess. Do they have truth-tellers whose counsel they constantly ignore, or do they only surround themselves with yes-men? Or are they surrounded by people who want to tell the truth but are too scared to bruise their inflated egos? Were those people always like that, or did they cut off their truth-tellers and replace them with yes-men as they became more successful and their egos more inflated? 

I think about these questions a lot because I am human, and I think that could happen to me, too. It could happen to anyone. No one likes to hear the painful truths about themselves. I certainly don’t like it because it is uncomfortable. I squirm, and I wish I could run away from it sometimes. I’d rather listen to people tell me how amazing I am and all the good things they think of me. That is just more pleasant to hear. But I am as flawed as the next person, and I recognise that it is sometimes more beneficial to me to be made aware of my character’s unsavoury details. I don’t think I can grow and become a better human otherwise.

I want to be successful, but I don’t want to lose truth-tellers like my brother along the way. I have thought about it, and I am still thinking about it, but I haven’t come up with solid answers. How do I ensure that I keep those crop of people in my life, and how do I keep making them comfortable and willing to tell me the things I need to hear? I would like to read your thoughts and opinions about how to make that happen.